Cart.com, thank you for laying me off. Really.

Photo by Alejandro MAVVV on Unsplash

Just one day after another round of layoffs at Salesforce shook my beloved Tableau community, and just five days into the new year (“I’m looking forward to all the great things we’ll build together this year,” my manager said in a new year’s greeting via Slack just a few days ago), I received an invite to a Zoom meeting from said manager. No topic, no agenda. Scheduled at the same time as our daily team standup. I sent him a message asking if the time was incorrect. He confirmed that it was correct. Because I am a pretty smart cookie, I knew something was up. 

At the scheduled time, he had some technical difficulties with Zoom. While awaiting resolution of aforementioned technical difficulties, I noticed an additional person had joined the meeting — someone who I had not seen on the meeting invitation, didn’t know, and wasn’t expecting–a woman with “SHRM” after her name on the screen. Ah, I thought, Something is definitely afoot! Sandra or Sharon, or whatever her first name is (I can only recall that it it starts with “S”), from the People Team managed to arrive before my manager while he was resolving his Zoom issues. “Good morning,” I greeted her. She did not respond. I checked to make sure my microphone was unmuted. It was, and I heard some background noise from her end, so I’m confident she just decided not to answer me. Clearly, this person is great with people, I thought, of course she’s on the People Team!

After a few minutes of awkward and confusing silence, my manager joined the meeting and immediately launched into a spiel that I am sure was absolutely no fun for him.

“Blah blah reorganization blah blah blah realignment blah blah your position is being eliminated blah blah I invited Great-with-People to join us blah blah blah…” (Translation: we’re laying you off for no good reason. This charismatic individual is here to make sure you don’t sue us.)

Interestingly, neither my manager or Great-with-People had video enabled. Some advice for next time, you two — and HR people everywhere (because there will be a next time at Cart): at the very least, when you’re laying someone off, have the decency to look them in the eye. Especially if one of your company’s stated core values is “Be Human.”

Great-With-People started her well-worn spiel next. My manager sounded a bit nervous, but not GWP. She sounded like she lives for this, which rubbed me the wrong way, especially after she had declined to return a “good morning” and left her video off. (The Society for Human Resources Management–that’s the “SHRM” after her name–should really require their certification holders to learn some empathy, or at the very least mind their manners. My three-year-old niece is more professional.)

“Blah blah we know this is hard blah blah blah we’re offering you a severance package in exchange for release of all claims blah blah blah your health insurance ends at the end of the month blah blah COBRA blah blah blah” followed by a bunch of bullshit about wishing me well and offering me a complimentary membership to Velvet Jobs, an outplacement service. (Which I got curious about, because I’d never heard of it. When I got to the sign-up form provided to me via an email from Cart, I discovered it was most certainly not complimentary. But I could do a 7-day free trial! Woohoo!!)

“I don’t need outplacement assistance,” I said, finally indulging my ADHD and interrupting.

“You’ll also be eligible for unemployment blah blah…”

“Which is like $200 a week here in Florida,” I said, “and I don’t need it. I’ll get a new job.” This isn’t arrogance — I possess a number of skills which are in high demand, I interview exceptionally well (probably because I really am as passionate about data as I say I am), and I’m a great test-taker. I’ll get a job. 

Aside: Thinking I might be remembering a figure that was years old, I fact-checked myself later. The average unemployment compensation here in Florida is actually $236 per week, so my recollection of the shittiness of our state’s benefits was very close. Ranked 51st in the U.S., according to Forbes, Florida offers just 12 weeks of compensation and a maximum payment of $275 per week. If you’re unemployed in Tampa, I sure hope you don’t need housing! According to Zillow — and probably also because of Zillow, but that’s a topic for another post — the median rent for a one bedroom rental unit is $1700 per month, a two bedroom goes for around $2000 (in which neighborhood, Zillow?), and $2200 is the median rent considering all available rental units.

Seemingly befuddled by the fact that I feel confident I can land a new role quickly, Great-With-People responded by talking about unemployment some more, like it was a benefit Cart was offering me. I interrupted again.

“I know that I’m legally entitled to unemployment. I said I’ll find a new job.” 

At that point, I decided to just let her enjoy delivering the rest of her speech uninterrupted. As I allowed myself to dissociate, I remembered the Chief Data Officer saying something recently about hiring a Tableau Server Administrator  — something I suggested months ago (and others probably did, too). While GWP blah-blahed on, I went to the careers page of Cart’s website, and sure enough that role is still posted in case anyone is interested (2/10 do not recommend).

I clicked the “Leave Meeting” button feeling so relieved. See, I’d been job hunting for about eight weeks already because, yeah, smart cookie. (What a bizarre idiom “smart cookie” is. I got curious about the etymology. Jury seems to be out on the origin of the phrase, though one source claims it dates back to 1948.) I hate writing resignation letters and all of the fakery that accompanies going through the motions of quitting a job. Some of the time, when people quit a job it’s because they hate it. I liked the job itself, but the chaotic atmosphere, the ever-changing priorities (even more than usual for a startup), the Slack-first communication (ping! ping!! ping! ping!!!!), or the reluctantly remote culture, not so much.

So. Relieved.

I’ve interviewed at a number of healthcare startups and smaller public companies in recent weeks because damn, I miss healthcare! I miss truly meaningful data.

I don’t give one single solitary fuck about how many “Don’t Mess with Texas” t-shirts some company sold.

I felt elated to never have to pretend to care about ROAS (return on ad spend) or impressions (which are a pretty pointless metric, as I wrote back in October) ever again. 

So, thank you, Cart.com, for relieving me of the uncomfortable awkwardness and hassle of resignation, and for the couple of weeks of paid time off your severance package will afford me.

Other folks–people that had been at Cart much longer and liked working there–didn’t get to experience the feeling of unburdening and newfound freedom and excitement about future possibilities the way I did. LinkedIn posts from some of them were heartbreaking. A colleague told me they cried all day. I wasn’t heavily invested in the company, but that person was. They loved their job and did it well. The best I’ve seen that particular job done, ever. I hope they land the most amazing role on the planet.

As the day went on, I received messages from coworkers, the DataFam, and friends that reminded me just how fortunate I am. I’m surrounded by support and care. What a gift. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but I am grateful.

One coworker said, “Your energy is the best I have seen in my career. I was speechless this afternoon when I heard.”

Another said, “You’ve been one of my favorite people to work with and I think you brought a very human energy that this company and this team desperately needs.”

Along with “Be Human,” Cart has another core value I really like: “Speak up.” And I did. All the time. Those two coworkers and the others who reached out to me reminded me that my time there was not wasted. I helped some people remember that you can be authentic and still do a great job. I helped others with sheet swapping in Tableau. I was real with people. If that’s what I am leaving behind, I am happy.

Thanks again, Cart. ✌️